UN Relies on Student's Climate Change Imagery

It has been discovered that one of the images that the United Nations expert panel on climate change has included in its most recent report was supplied by a student. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) defends the image on the basis that anecdotal evidence has a valid place in science. The image purportedly shows diminishing snow caps and unusually green foothills. The artist, simply known as Todd, depicts a jagged mountain range with minimal snow peaks. Critics complain that, not only could the artist not be familiar with the state of the mountain range in the early 1900's but he couldn't have first-hand experience with the range in the 1990's. Todd was born in 2005.

Not Again!

Tampa Florida's mayor Pam Iorio demonstrates her prankster prowess, announcing that she was barefoot, just as President Obama clasps her hand in greeting. "I knew he wouldn't fall for the untied shoe again, so I came up with a compelling variation," she explained. Mayor Iorio joins ranks with Chinese Premier Wen Jaibao and Japan's Emperor Akihito as world-class pranksters. Mayor Iorio warns that catching the President in a photo, appearing to bow, may prove to be increasingly challenging.

MIT Cheats to Win DARPA Contest

A group called the MIT Red Balloon Challenge Team won the unusual DARPA challenge that required the locating of ten balloons scattered across the United States, completing the task in under nine hours. Calls of foul play were heard from competitors when it was discovered that the team employed a trick commonly referred to as "Capitalism," wherein specific participants are monetarily rewarded for being the first to report a correct balloon location. The largely discredited economic scheme awards money to the so-called "winners" in life under the theory that the most productive and inventive in a society are best qualified to run its economy. Losing teams complained that creating the circumstances where the best and brightest were so highly motivated gave the MIT team an unfair advantage. The MIT team is accused of completely ignoring the race or financial circumstances of the winners. Other teams were to divide the money equally among all participants so as not to hurt individual team players self-esteem. A few of the larger teams were to donate the entire amount to charity, giving their members the powerful motivation to help others and not themselves. Senator Reid has proposed that an addendum to the Stimulus Bill reward all participants (and Acorn members) an amount equal to the MIT prize. "The total amount required is estimated to be well under 100 million, hardly a budget-breaker," he said. The Congressional Black Caucus called for an investigation into whether the balloon locations were racially biased. Speaker Pelosi has asked DARPA to explain why the conservative red color was chosen instead of a politically neutral color, or perhaps a representative mix of red and blue. Whitehouse spokesman Gibbs said, "The actions of DARPA and the MIT team have cast a shadow over the contest that could have been avoided by better planning on the community level."

Alien Invasion Of Continental US

Ten red alien spacecraft were observed on Saturday, December 5, 2009 in various locations around the United States. DARPA claimed they were simply weather balloons, a claim eerily reminiscent of the infamous Roswell incident. Unlike the Roswell sighting, these craft were seen and even photographed by thousands of witnesses. It has been alleged that as much as $40,000 of "hush money" was offered to silence witnesses. Government officials claimed that the craft were nothing but latex and string and were part of a "social networking" experiment. Skeptics point out that the craft hovered effortlessly for hours and seemed to ascend and descend on a coordinated time schedule. "It's simply pathetic that they would use the same, tired 'weather balloon' cover story," said one cynic. The number of craft and the switch to a red color has several in the UFO community alarmed. Officials were quick to reassure the public that the experiment was simply to help the military to understand how private citizens might communicate with each other in an emergency if traditional news sources were not available. "That's hardly any reason to be alarmed," the spokesman pointed out.

Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me!

Falling for a slight variation on the gag, President Obama is photographed seemingly bowing to Chinese Premier Wen Jaibao. An eyewitness explained that the Premier simply asked the President, "Is my shoe untie?" The Premier's timing was perfect, as the photograph shows.

President Obama Falls for Gag

Falling for one of the oldest tricks in the book, President is seen to bow to Japan's Emperor Akihito as he shakes his hand. Just as President Obama extended his hand, Emperor Akihito said, "you shoe untie."

Buckets of Water on the Moon

NASA scientists report that the recent experiment that intentionally crashed a spacecraft into the moon unearthed (or un-mooned) "several two-gallon buckets" of water. The discovery of water on the moon is important for future space missions as water is quite heavy and difficult to lift into orbit from Earth. However, the buckets themselves are proving to be more perplexing.